Real Frank Zappa Book [Paperback]

CHAPTER 1

How Weird Am I, Anyway?

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

Frank Zappa(Baltimore Sun,October 12, 1986)

This book exists on the premise that somebody, somewhere, is interested inwho I am, how I got that way, and what the fuck I'm talking about.

To answer Imaginary Question Number One, let me begin by explainingWHO I AM NOT.Here are two popular'Frank Zappa Legends'...

Because I recorded a song called Son of Mr. Green Genes on theHot Ratsalbum in 1969, people have believed for years that the character with that name on theCaptain KangarooTV show (played byLumpy Brannum)was my 'real' Dad. No, he was not.

The other fantasy is that I once'took a shit on stage.'This has been propounded with many variations, including (but not limited to):

[1]Iateshit on stage.

[2]I had a 'gross-out contest' (what the fuck is a'gross-out contest'?)withCaptain Beefheartand webothate shit on stage.

[3]I had a 'gross-out contest' withAlice Cooperand hestepped on baby chickensandthenI ate shit on stage, etc.

I was in a London club called the Speak Easy in 1967 or '68. A member of a group called the Flock, recording for Columbia at the time, came over to me and said:

You're fantastic. When I heard about you eating that shit on stage, I thought, 'That guy isway, way out there.'

I said, I never ate shit on stage. He looked really depressed -- like I had just broken his heart.

For the records, folks:I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shitanywherewas at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.

More Important Information for People Who Wonder What I Eat

I wasn't crazy about most of the food my l“W