We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive [Paperback]

She thought she’d have more time. Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no–it’s happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe “I’m going to kick his hair’s ass!” to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie’s wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her–inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking.

Her riffs on e-mail spam (“With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!”), eBay (“There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end”), and the perils of St. Patrick’s Day (“When I’m driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens”) are the stuff of legend. And for Laurie, it’s all true.Laurie Notarohas been fired from seven jobs, laid off from three, and voluntarily liberated from one. Despite all that, she has managed to write a number ofNew York Timesbestselling essay collections. She lives with her husband in Oregon, where—according to her mother, who refuses to visit—she sleeps in a trailer in the woods.Doing America

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Are you stupid?” the man behind the counter at the garage yelled at me. “Just how stupid are you? How could you be so stupid?”

Honestly, I just stood there, too shocked to say anything.

“Are you an idiot?” he asked, shaking his hand at me.

“Funny you should ask that,” I said, trying to make a joke as I reached into my purse. “As a matter of fact . . .”

I slid the book across thl£Ý